How I Was Cursed By My Mother

It was fifteen years ago. I was 19 years old, and a new mom. After being taken to my room, having delivered a beautiful, healthy, darling little girl, my mother came in. She did what all Moms do. She told me what a great job I had done, how pretty her new granddaughter was, all that jazz.

Then…she cursed me. I mean she pulled out the Mama Voo Doo and hexed me something awful. She said just one sentence. "I hope she behaves as good for you as you did for me, in EVERY way".  Oh sure, it SOUNDS like she was being nice doesn’t it? Like I was a good kid, and she hoped mine was the same. But no. It was a thinly disguised curse upon me and my house. Only I wouldn’t find that out for several years. It would lie in wait for around 12 years, waiting…seething in ghoulish delight at what was coming. I had no idea.

The beautiful little baby, turned into a teenager a few years ago. That is when the curse fully revealed it’s evil plan. By then it was too late. Not realizing what was coming, we had a second beautiful baby girl 18 months after the first. This only amplifies the curse.

Oldest: "MOMMY!!! She’s in MY room!!!"

Me: "Get OUT of her room."

Youngest: "BUT SHE HAS MY CD!!!!"

Oldest: "Fine! HERE you brat!!!"

Youngest: "MOMMYY!!! She called me a brat!!!"

Me: "I HEARD her!!"

Me: "STOP calling your sister names!!"

Oldest: "WHY are you yelling at ME??? I didn’t do ANYTHING and she ALWAYS gets away with EVERYTHING!!!"

cue: eyerolling, a nicely timed  flail, a perfectly executed flounce and…wait for it…BANG! door slam.

You could take that conversation, reverse the youngest and oldest, and that’s what I hear daily. Repeatedly. Ad Nauseum. It. Never. Ends. But it gets WORSE!

These same children, who I proclaim publically drive me INSANE! Are perfect little angels whenever they leave the house. Their friends’ parents rave about how good they are, teachers adore them, their grandparents…well they’re just blind.  I can’t even get good pictures of them because they see the camera as some horrible thing that is going to ruin their lives. Oh, wait…they think that about me, hubby, the dogs, their clothes, my clothes, the dog down the street, the dust bunny in the closet and the 3rd blade of grass from the right on the grassy knoll overlooking the motorcade!

The Curse of the New Grandmother is no joke people. Hear me now!! In fact, I’m pretty sure the word Teenager translates to "a curse put on daughters by their mothers during, or after childbirth". Now if you’ll excuse me, heads are rotating and I hear speaking in tongues, I must go find a priest. And possibly, a therapist.

/Flail
/Flounce
/Slam Door