He asked her to spend the holidays with him while he’s on leave, visiting his family in Florida.

As I said, my first thought was just no. The problem with that is

a. She’s 18.

b. she is a good kid.

c. he is deploying

I don’t mean she’s basically good, I mean never EVER has she gotten into trouble.  Not a bit in 18 years. And she’s never done anything to make us not trust her. Nothing. No sneaking out, no partying behind our backs, nothing. She spends her free time at home now, but in WA it was hanging out at her friends house, and going to Youth Group and church.

And he is deploying. I couldn’t in good conscience deny her this time with him before he goes. There will be other holidays for us, and this year, our gift to her is allowing her to spend HER time with him.

Maybe I’ll get some Cool Mom points for this one.

Raising a Teen Daughter and Letting Go brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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I had a nice Mother’s Day.  Even with Hubby gone, and one kid grounded for life, the other at a friend’s house all day after church. Shocking right?

My youngest daughter, while I was searching around post for something, took it upon herself to make me a card and vaccuum the living room, dining room, and hall. She the proceeded to make dinner later that evening.

My oldest who was home for all of 15 minutes, brought  with her a vase of yellow tulips and the above plate of cookies.

My husband, who isn’t HERE at least called. And if you knew him you’d know that for him to suffer through talking on the phone requires an act of God. Or a holiday. He also, though I did the actual ordering, and just told him about it, got me my World of Warcraft plushies.

As for how I spent my day? I treated myself to something I haven’t done in AGES. I played WoW allllll day. I even stayed up late, laughing and running dungeons with my guildies. I didn’t get to bed until almost 2am. I completely forgot the dogs hadn’t been out since arounmd 6pm. So for Mother’s Day even the dogs gave me a gift by not complaining and not peeing on the floor.

And a shout out to Shianti, my favoritest healer! Because my hunter and her pet pulled some really dumb shit last night and she kept us alive!! And my Apologies to twice, whom I may have led some hungry tigers to. What can I say? they crave dwarf sometimes?

They Like Me A Little brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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My friend Lizz and I were on the school almost daily, and teachers did step in when they saw things happening. The principal said he couldn’t do anything, and to take pictures if we saw it happening. That’s exactly what I did, since the bullies would start on the walk home. When the kids’ mom saw me with my camera she called the MP’s. But I know my photographic rights. No expectation of privacy in a public area. BE PROACTIVE! We can no longer just blow off this bullying behavious as “teenagers are mean”. It starts small, and grows into levels it should never be allowed to reach. Get the school involved, get the cops involved. Sure I spent an afternoon at the MP station over it, but it ended.

Ellen Degeneres on Bullying brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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I swear it was just yesterday I had a sweet little newborn weighing in at 6 pounds, 3 ounces and measuring 17.5 inches. How on earth can she turn 17 today???

Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. – John Lithgow

I Swear I JUST Had Her… brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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After dinner last night, B looks miserable. I ask her what was wrong and she says headache. This time I ask if her stomach is upset. She says kind of. Well, the clinic is closed at this point. So my choices are the ER/Fast Track, or wait til today and get in at the clinic. I opted for the ER. Since at this point we both have this thing, I’m worried about something contagious. They take her in, do bloodwork, CT, give her IV fluids, and eventually a cocktail of toradol, compazine and benadryl before releasing her with a migraine diagnosis 4 hours later.

So far today she feels fine, fingers crossed for her that it stays gone. I have some pressure still, like mine’s gonna return. Ugh. I was told by her nurse that the ER was the better choice because they can do everything at the visit. Unlike the clinic which schedules the CT. Of course that cocktail of drugs would have rendered me unable to drive home, so the ER wouldn’t be a good choice for me.

It’s just so strange that it hit us both at the same time. I have no explanation. The youngest is unaffected. It was just us. Barometric pressure changes? Misalignment of the planets? Who knows. Lets just hope it goes away and stays away.

Days 69-73: Headaches brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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No 5 things today. Just a couple pictures. They are after all worth a thousand words.

Day 39: Sweet 16 brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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If you look back in the category this entry is posted in, you’ll find a time or two where I struggled to balance my love of the game with Real Life. And I came up with what I thought were viable solutions. And they might have been, had I not realized a few things.

Now, it’s only fair to mention my recent rethinking of these ideas came about when my 14 year old recently developed an attitude about me playing at all. This started when I decided it was okfor me to raid twice a week, and let the family either fend for themselves, or order pizza. I was rewarded with an eyeroll from the 14 year old. To which I quite logically replied with a very good point. She gets 2 days per week off from school. Hubby gets two days per week (usually) off from Uncle Sam. Why should Mommy NOT get 2 days a week off?

This is when It dawned on me, she does not see me staying at home, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the finances, etc as work. I very much think, at least the youngest sees it as something she’s entitled to. That ends now. Mind you I’m NOT complaining about my job. Not a bit. It’s what I want. I enjoy knowing that when Hubby comes home from work, all he has to think about is relaxing, or planning whatever he needs to do for the next day. His day never ends when he leaves “the office” for lack of a better term.

A few days later, I was running a quick heroic. And by quick I mean 20-30 minutes tops with some guildies. The phone rang, I told this same daughter to answer it, it was my mom, and I’d call her back in an hour. My Mom understands, it’s no big deal. So she does that, and then proceeds to start chattering about something she had to do on the upcoming Friday. Nothing emergent, nothing that couldn’t wait 20 minutes. So I nicely said wait until I take my headphones off. She had a fit. I ALMOST felt guilty. But then I realized something. I wasn’t asking for much. I wasn’t neglecting her. She was using very bad manners. The “no talking to me when wearing headphones” should be no different than our already existing rule. No talking while I’m on the phone, or conversing with another adult. It’s called respect. A concept my kids understand most of the time, but struggle with on occasion. This was one of those occasions.

My having headphones on when she wants to tell me something that can wait 20 minutes, is no worse than her listening to her ipod so loud she doesn’t hear us asking her to go do her chores. I confronted her with the fact that we do not push ourselves into HER activities with her friends, or her conversations, or anything of the sort. She hates when I’m right, but she admitted it. I would like to pint out however, that 98% of the time I’m playing and they are home, I AM completely available. The “headphones” on times are few. Everyone has their hobbies. And when prioritized correctly, there shouldn’t be guilt associated with them. Why then in the past was I finding myself feeling it? Because I WAS falling behind on other things. I had no routine. Having that, has brought me way more enjoyment of my hobby and my home. Here’s my typical day (times are subject to change).

1. 9:00am Wake up, have coffee!! Coffee is a must.

2. 9:05am While coffee is brewing, or first cup is cooling off, straighten up the kitchen, start the dishwasher, dust and vaccuum. 5 minutes usually. Small house!

3. 9:10am Sit down, read emails, check twitter, live journal, my RSS reader, and pop on WoW to do my fishing daily.

4. 9:30am Get another cup of coffee. 5. 9:30- 10ish am Blog 6. 11:00am Take the dogs out/clean yard

7. Noon: Log in, relaxed, and play WoW knowing I’m done for a few hours.

8. around 2:30 the first kid comes home, go AFK from WoW, check on homework, listen to hyperspeed tales from school, get ignored for boyfriend texting her, and then watch her run off to hang out with him.

9. Youngest comes in an hour later. Check on homework, listen to bus drama, watch her go play outside.

10. Turn back to WoW, clean out bags, find an inn, repair gear, log out.

11. 4:00pm Start dinner.

12. 5:00-6:00pm Eat dinner, and clean up afterwards. See hubby fall asleep on the couch, Poor guy. Oldest goes back to her boyfriend, youngest settles in at her computer or back to her friends.Then I log back in for the evening.

Thursday fend for yoursef night seems to work for hubby quite well. It’s usually by this day that working 16 hour days has caught up to him, and shortly after dinner you hear snoring from the couch. What you don’t hear is me trying to keep him awake, because I’m in game. He gets a nice long nap, I get to raid, kids are off doing their thing. This works.

My whole point here, is to say don’t let yourself be guilted by your game time if you have everything else in order. I don’t know why it seems WoW players bear the brunt of this more than any other hobby. Maybe because of the negative connotations it receives by those outside the game. The too many to count stories of neglect, or addiction. Or the general “Loser” theory that non-players tend to have. Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t rethink things when you legitimately feel you spend TOO much time in game, or it is having serious effects on your home relationships. God knows I’ve rethought things a few times. But I’ve come to realize what I am entitled to, what I have earned.

I am NOT “just” a stay at home mom. I am not just “mommy”. I am a woman with a hobby I enjoy, a woman who has her shit together. A woman that does several jobs wrapped up in one title, and deserves some time each day to enjoy herself, and I damned well deserve my 2 days off. Where others might use their time for crafts, or sports, or woodcarving(?) I use mine for a MMORPG. And ya know what? That is OK!

The Balancing Act brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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Oh…video uploaded, here ya go MOM

With a Face Like THAT brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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Her group started at 7. We left home at 6, and thanks to my brilliant directions ended up all turned around and lost, arriving at the correct destination at 7:25. We could hear them singing, but couldn’t go in. The ROTC was Guarding the doors, and would let noone in, even if their child was CURRENTLY singing. So we missed the entire thing. Couldn’t even watch her last 5 minutes.

Epic Fail.

Epic Mom Failure brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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The next day, she tells me her friend (same mom as the youngest daughter’s friend bythe way) is mad at her because she won’t give her a boy’s phone number. I say well too bad. I’ve taught my children not to give out other people’s numbers. It’s called general decency. Well it turns out, rather than just saying “I can’t give you his number, you’ll have to get it from him”, she informed her that he was another friends boyfriend and blah blah blah. Well you know drama followed.

I screen capped all the messages from then on. As the argument heated up, I told Brenna to stop talking to her, stop talking about her just leave her alone. She agrees. A couple hateful messages come in from…who else? The kid’s mother. A grown adult, involved in myspace drama with a 14 year old. So, I screen cap those. And ignore it. I’m not sinking to that level.

A bit later, I check again, and darling daughter has emailed someone else to ask if this person thought this boy liked child she was fighting with. I at this point, changed the password. I had a rather upset kid, but I told her not to talk about her. Sunday night, we go to do laundry. I came home, checked the myspace again, and what do I see? A message in her outbox. Ummm…how? She retrieved the password!!!! So, she’s grounded from the computer, and her friends for a week. She did ok with this yesterday, and if the behavior continues this well, I’ll likely let her off Friday.

Here is my problem. The girl has a sister, my youngest is friends with her. I feel awful not wanting her to go down there and play with her. But I don’t want her getting in the middle. I do not trust this mom not to try and get info out of her. Or to start dissing my oldest in front of her. But I feel guilty, these two girls shouldn’t be kept from a friendship over their sisters problems. The really sad thing, is my oldest and her oldest got along really well. And the other girl in this equation that my oldest was defending, is leaving here this weekend. So a friendship was cut off over someone that is just a transient in the grand scheme of things. This is why I stayed out of it. This is why I always stay out of it. The fact is, with teenagers, if two moms are fighting it out, suddenly it’s “mom can i go play with that girl i hated last week?” well no, you hated each other over a boy…”but we don’t like that by anymore, and want to be friends again”…and it’s the parents that come off looking like idiots at that point.

Daughter Drama brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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