He asked her to spend the holidays with him while he’s on leave, visiting his family in Florida.

As I said, my first thought was just no. The problem with that is

a. She’s 18.

b. she is a good kid.

c. he is deploying

I don’t mean she’s basically good, I mean never EVER has she gotten into trouble.  Not a bit in 18 years. And she’s never done anything to make us not trust her. Nothing. No sneaking out, no partying behind our backs, nothing. She spends her free time at home now, but in WA it was hanging out at her friends house, and going to Youth Group and church.

And he is deploying. I couldn’t in good conscience deny her this time with him before he goes. There will be other holidays for us, and this year, our gift to her is allowing her to spend HER time with him.

Maybe I’ll get some Cool Mom points for this one.

Raising a Teen Daughter and Letting Go brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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For:

• My husband being HOME, and not in some desert being shot at.
• My family, both my small extended family, and my HUGE amount of really awesome In Laws!
• That I am no longer living in a place I hate, and get to enjoy living in a place I love.
• All my awesome friends, near and far, new and old, online and off.
• The ability to stay in touch no matter the distance thanks to blogging, facebook, twitter, tumblr, and cell phones
• The opportunity to get a college education (Thanks Hunny!)
• That my children are all around good kids.
• Not having to cook this year!

Wishing everyone a wonderful day full of good food, good company, and safe travels!

On Being Thankful brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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Most important things first, on August 12, we got out of the motel we lived in for a month, and into our house on post. Not a bad wait at all. Hubby brought me to see it the day before we signed. We had trouble finding it at first, but were enjoying looking at the neighborhood when I pointed at one nice, corner lot with a single dwelling unit and said “I want that one!”. He laughed at me and said “yeah good luck with that.”. Turned left, and low and behold “that one” was OUR house. Ha!

Not bad eh? Now, I’ve never had the fortune to live in a single house, let alone one this nice. We’ve had eight-plexes, duplex, and no this is NOT officer housing. This is NCO housing. Conveniently located right across the road from where he works.

Our furniture and such took two more weeks to be delivered, though we did end up buying new before that, since you know…FLOOR! and our old stuff was about shot. And my Washer/dryer wouldn’t fit in our laundry room since it was a stackable that didn’t UNstack. So we had to replace that too. We got settled in, got the kids in school and, well…Hubby got this…

A 2011 Harley Davidson Fat Bob. He has waited 20 years for his bike, and after 9 years in the army, 2 deployments, and especially that one to Afghanistan…it was more than well deserved. I sustained the first injury…I thought I’d sit on the bike, in my shorts, and bam…exhaust burn. I left skin on the pipes and ended up with a pretty nasty wound. It didn’t look that bad at first as you can see. But I ended up going to the ER when blisters continued forming 2 days later. Ouch. It’s all healed now, and fading fast.

The following Sunday, we had our friends over. We were lucky enough to join two other soldiers he worked with in Washington, and deployed with when we moved here. There’s Tracy and Andy, married couple, and Joe. Andy shows up on his bike, our garage is open so you can see ours too, and thus our first complaint was born. A neighbor complained about the “quality of the company we keep”.  Because of “all the bikes”. Right. All TWO bikes. Mind you, as I mentioned these are all soldiers stationed here. Three guys that worked together, fought together, and lived together for years. All three who are decorated combat veterans.  People are jerks, and THIS is why I make friends far from my neighborhoods. Anyhoo..

Shortly after the house, school started back up for me so I’m buried in Cultural Anthropology, Ethics, Intro to Law, and Art of the Cinema until December 9th. I did however finally decide where I’m going with my education. As I wind up my AA in Letters, Arts, and Sciences I’ll be picking up some prereqs for my next degree program. I’ve decided to get a BA in Psychology, and hopefully after that a Masters. My goal is to work on post, in the future as either a Family Advocacy counselor, or in the Substance Abuse program, or just at the hospital. I’d really like to get involved in working with PTSD patients and their FAMILIES. Maybe by the time I get done with school the military will acknowledge Secondary PTSD and that families suffer through this and need assistance as much as their soldiers. If not, well…guess I’ll become a squeaky wheel.

As for my spare time…what little I have, I’m finding myself enjoying cooking again. Probably because I have a great kitchen now. I’m also finding keeping a house this size clean is a full time job! I’ve also decided to learn to sew, and I’ve started little craft projects from Pinterest that caught my attention. My first completed project was a set of four coasters.

Gaming has taken a back seat aside from Dragon Age 2, but WoW still remains unattainable. Maybe next xpac, who knows. It just takes more of a time investment than I have.

And Old Sweet Song, Keeps Georgia on My Mind brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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See the great thing about art, is that it’s a complete work when it makes YOU smile. And the other night I was tinkering around with Cretacolor AquaStics (colors on paper just like crayons, but brush with water and you have watercolor!), some acrylic paint, and some paint pens. By the time I was done, what started out as trying out my new toys made me smile.

Yesterday I completed my second page. You all saw the photos of my Mother’s Day gifts. Well my tulips are dying now, and I decided to use a photo or two and the note from the  cookies as yesterday’s entry to remember Mother’s Day.

Messy? Yes. But it made me happy.

Maybe I don’t need to be able to draw people and animals and landscapes. Maybe I will eventually, maybe I won’t. I was limiting myself by only thinking in those terms. This…is fun. And it’s art.

It’s a Start, and It’s Art. brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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I had a nice Mother’s Day.  Even with Hubby gone, and one kid grounded for life, the other at a friend’s house all day after church. Shocking right?

My youngest daughter, while I was searching around post for something, took it upon herself to make me a card and vaccuum the living room, dining room, and hall. She the proceeded to make dinner later that evening.

My oldest who was home for all of 15 minutes, brought  with her a vase of yellow tulips and the above plate of cookies.

My husband, who isn’t HERE at least called. And if you knew him you’d know that for him to suffer through talking on the phone requires an act of God. Or a holiday. He also, though I did the actual ordering, and just told him about it, got me my World of Warcraft plushies.

As for how I spent my day? I treated myself to something I haven’t done in AGES. I played WoW allllll day. I even stayed up late, laughing and running dungeons with my guildies. I didn’t get to bed until almost 2am. I completely forgot the dogs hadn’t been out since arounmd 6pm. So for Mother’s Day even the dogs gave me a gift by not complaining and not peeing on the floor.

And a shout out to Shianti, my favoritest healer! Because my hunter and her pet pulled some really dumb shit last night and she kept us alive!! And my Apologies to twice, whom I may have led some hungry tigers to. What can I say? they crave dwarf sometimes?

They Like Me A Little brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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That paragraph down there where she says

But the concerns we have -the new things we do deal with- are the things that turn the hair gray….because our children’s lives are no longer solely in our hands. They’re out there…in the scary wide world, mixing with other children and other parents and other lessons. They spend so much time out of my sight, either at school or at school functions or outside playing or at friends houses. I now have to rely on everything I’ve done up until now and hope that I haven’t royally fucked up. I have to bank on the fact that I’ve instilled some good lessons so that they’re out there making smart decisions. It’s scary as hell.

My daughters are 16 and 17.  They spend a lot of their time with their friends, at school, at the mall, at their friends’ homes. Well one of them does. The youngest is grounded. For an indeterminate  amount of time.  That’s what made Jenn’s blog post so awesome. This last week, I really could have used some help. Some way to know it wasn’t my failure as a parent. Because when a kid does what my youngest did, that’s the first question people ask. Hell it’s the first question I have asked when watching the news or reading the paper.  “Where were the parents??” is usually asked with an eyeroll and a head shake, and an air of superiority right? Well I was right here. I was here, trusting that everything we have taught them got through. That all the right versus wrong teaching we have enforced over the years had sunk in. All it took was one bad influence. One kid that got into her head.

Last Sunday, I was relaxing. I stayed in my sweats all day. I had nowhere to go nothing to do, and it was my last day to just relax and do nothing but play video games before Finals started for me. The doorbell rings. It’s the uncle of one of her friends, informing me that he just caught my daughter driving a guy’s car.  SHE was supposed to be at work at the commissary.. The guy was a 22 year old soldier, and rumor has it she’s been dating him.  Rumor had it she had done more. Twenty Two. And a soldier. They BOTH clearly should have known better.  This guy, we’ll call him “B” sent my daughter home, on foot. He couldn’t really force her to get in his car, but she knew he knew where home was and was heading here to inform me.  He delivered the news, along with the guy’s name, and his own contact info.

She tried to cover when she got home but when her other friend who’d walked her home tried to say she was in the passenger seat she stopped him and admitted it. She also admitted to kissing this guy.   That’s the good and bad thing about living on post. It’s a very large installation, but it’s a small community. Someone always knows someone that knows you, and in this case thank God, because if he hadn’t caught it, it could have gone on longer and gotten further. She was hiding it THAT well.

First things first, find out the dirty details. Luckily it hasn’t gone beyond that. Lucky for her. He’s still in deep shit just for associating with minors outside of and IN the barracks. I got into her Facebook, I printed and screen captured messages to send his chain of command. I changed her password, took her computer, took her phone, took her freedom and have made her work every day at home. Washing the car, doing all the housework, picking up after the dogs outside.   I could put Cinderella’s stepmother to shame and make her look like June Cleaver. But that doesn’t retroactively not make her do it. My husband uses the term 45 and 45 when he is talking about soldiers being disciplined for certain offenses. It means 45 days restriction and 45 days extra duty. So, if it’s good for the Gander it’s good for the goose. The ONLY freedom she got was going to church on Easter Sunday.

I have always given them a lot of freedom once they were old enough to want to walk around the neighborhood with their friends. And I told them if they break my trust, I’ll come down hard.  For every ounce of freedom you get you loose twice as much if you screw it up. My oldest, who SHOULD be the one pushing the limits…isn’t. She’s firm in her beliefs, she’s mature and responsible she doesn’t get into trouble at all.  She’s almost 18. So clearly we did SOMETHING right.  But that gives little comfort when your jaw has bruises from hitting the floor.

I almost didn’t blog about this. I fully intended not to. But know what? I’m a Mom of a Teenager. My kids are still being raised, and my challenges are tough too.  We don’t need to be the silent group in the parenting world. In fact, we need to be louder. Because I’d have given my left arm to have somewhere that could have shown me that I’m not the only one facing big issues. I’m not the only one whose kid has done something mind bogglingly NUTS.  I’m not a failure as a parent.

Oh, and this soldier…I use that term loosely is being punished. We weren’t the only parents reporting to his chain of command.  “B” did too because his nephew had been involved in the hanging out at the barracks thing. I forget what all he’s getting but it’s a lot. And he’s deserving. I know my kid knew better. But so did this guy. He’s 22, he has a car, he can go off post and meet girls his age at the usual haunts. He can make bro-friends at the barracks and in his unit.  He doesn’t need to be hanging out with kids. If he were 18 or 19, hey, no problem. But at 22? No. And he’s lucky hubby is off at school.  I am still sickened by the whole thing, and even though I know better, self blame just keeps sneaking in  there.

The Teen Years Are Going To Kill Me. brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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Suckituptitude- ability to deal with all manner of jackassery, tomfoolery, bullshit and hassle without whining to the command that you need your husband home immediately. Can be handled with or without whining, but preferably with wine.

This came about because, as usual…he is gone and something has gone wrong. The dog seems to have some tummy trouble. It is of course FRIDAY. Which means no vets are open until Monday. Except the ones that require payment body parts and a co signer to walk in the door.  All of these vets are…off post. I have never driven out there. Nope, not in four years. Oh wait, once, to get my car home, but I was following him. Anyhow, in the course of telling him he should be able to just come home…it went something like this

Me: Shadow’s sick, the Vets are all closed, I can’t drive off post, you need to come home. This sucks.
Hunny: I know
Me: It’s freaking me out
Hunny: I know
Me: Come homeeeee
Hunny: I caaaan’t
Me: Not even if I whine?
Hunny: Think a doc would sign a red cross message for excessive whining?
Me: Hell I’ve seen it work for spouses that don’t have NEAR my level of suckituptitude.

So there you go. Today’s message brought to you by the letters S.U.C.K.S.

From The Desk Of…ME! brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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My friend Lizz and I were on the school almost daily, and teachers did step in when they saw things happening. The principal said he couldn’t do anything, and to take pictures if we saw it happening. That’s exactly what I did, since the bullies would start on the walk home. When the kids’ mom saw me with my camera she called the MP’s. But I know my photographic rights. No expectation of privacy in a public area. BE PROACTIVE! We can no longer just blow off this bullying behavious as “teenagers are mean”. It starts small, and grows into levels it should never be allowed to reach. Get the school involved, get the cops involved. Sure I spent an afternoon at the MP station over it, but it ended.

Ellen Degeneres on Bullying brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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First off, Hubby received his award, his Bronze Star With Valor.

Then, we found out that his school has been rescheduled! For March, and we don’t move until JULY!! This is awesome. No cross country trek in the winter, no yanking the kids out of school mid year. And more importantly, no rush to get ready, and a normal Christmas for us. Also, I’ll be able to enjoy the WoW Cataclysm release as well as Dragon Age 2!! *cheers*

Then we both got miserable yucky colds. We’re over them, mostly, now the kid has it. I would kill for a break from sniffles and coughing around here, seriously.

Let’s Catch Up! brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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Relax! brought to you by Lady Jess - (Have You Seen My Stapler?)

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