I just have one question. Why, can I not have one truly GOOD day, without Murphy throwing the other friggin shoe at my damned head? Seriously. I want to know the answer.  I started off yesterday really well. I walked over to AER, I got the car repair check, I called the mechanic, and 4 hours later I picked up the truck.  The mechanic was awesome, he even picked me up to go get it. (Moose’s Tillicum Auto Tech…they have my business til we leave here).  I came home, all proud of myself for driving from an offpost shop back home. All good right?

My oldest daughter came home later, asking to go on a sleepover. To which I said no. Why? Because Sunday night, when I was already stressed beyond belief, she asked, and I said no. And she fought with me for so long, and wouldn’t let up, and I couldn’t take it anymore so I caved.  She agreed to be back by 8am so I could get my crap done. I got ONE thing done, got my registration duplicate picked up, before she was pestering to go hang out.  I caved again, since I had to wait on a phone call to do anything else. The call came after the office I needed closed, so I ended up being done for the day. But I was still miffed about the night before.

So, last, when she asked…I said no. When she asked why, I said One, because she already had one this week, and two, she was extremely disrespectful by arguing with me the way she did. That’s when it got ugly. I knew kids can be cruel, but I don’t think I ever was this hurtful to my mother. She tried everything. It’s not fair, I had to come home early, I didn’t go anywhere all week, ever since the live you won’t let me. Now…this is all crap. She didn’t go anywhere all week by her own choice. I never told her she couldn’t. The lice thing is over, and has been for a while. That wasn’t it. It was SOLELY for the way she acted the last time, compounded by the way she acted this time.

That’s when I grounded her for a week. After all, I grounded her younger sister for a week for arguing when I said no. It was pretty unfair that the first time the oldest fought with me over the sleepover, she essentially got away with it. She kept arguing, I made it two weeks. At some point she used the words “It’s not like anything’s going on in MY life” just dripping with sarcasm. Then she pulled out the dagger. I’m not sure if I felt more stabbed in the heart, or in the back. Amongst the litany of things I’ve apparently done wrong, she found a mean streak. “You never let us talk to him when he calls!”. Him, being her father. Who only has gotten to call 2 or 3 times, for maybe 15 minutes at a time in the last almost 3 weeks. Between the lag on the lines, we are lucky to get out hi, how are you, ok, do you need anything, love you bye.

I would LOVE to let them talk. But the times he calls…they’re not home, or they’re sound asleep. To take it even further…she threw in my face that she never talked to him LAST time. Whoa Nelly, hold it right there. He was online almost every day. She had access to him, but she was never home!

The reality of it is, she wanted to hurt me. She was lashing out, hoping to hit a nerve, a weak point and get her way. Yes, I’m sure she wants to talk to him, but that wasn’t her real motivation. Her motivation was to manipulate me. I stood my ground, she slammed her door. I haven’t seen her since.  So she won half the battle. She hurt me, she hit the nerve. But she’s still grounded.

The sad thing is? The youngest was grounded for arguing with me when I said no, because she needs to learn to act more mature. And for the entire week (almost over now) she’s been grounded, she hasn’t whined about it at all.  The one I credited with being the mature one…does this. If being mature means growing a mean streak, maybe immaturity isn’t so bad after all.

I’d give my left arm to have his support with his daughters right now, or to have had him here to deal with the truck. But the fact is, my life is upside down for a long time to come. Somehow I need to pull myself out of this roller coaster ride and find a nice steady train ride around the Deployment Amusement Park.

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I was reading through my entries from our 2005/2006 deployment and realizing how much differently I’m writing about this one. Back then it was all “I did x today and heard from/did not hear from hubby”. Almost Every. Day. This time around it’s more about what I’m thinking, feeling, or some little snippet of info that just might be useful to someone, somewhere.  Speaking of helpful little snippets, one just occured to me today.

Have your kids WARN you if someone is going to be coming over and knocking at the door/ringing the doorbell.  Wish I’d have thought of THAT one sooner, it would have saved me several heart in throat moments.

It’s just starting to sink in that these once a week phonecalls or IM’s…may be all I have of him for a year. Once a week, for 15 minutes.  If I get really lucky…twice.  I’m not sure how to react to it. If I complain, I’m ungrateful that I even get that much. But if I pretend it doesn’t bother me, I’m lying.  We had such great conversations during his Iraq deployment, but with a 15 minute time limit, we barely have time to catch up. There is hope it will improve. But the fear of missing a single IM/call this time is huge. Because there’s such a long time before the next.

The weekend has been a complete roller coaster. I’m up one minute, then something goes on and I fall down again. Kid drama, truck drama, reality…they all suck.

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