May 252010

Wow! Two friggin weeks since I blogged last? How did that even happen? It’s not like I’m insanely busy. Well, Insanely…something maybe. Well now is as good a time to ramble as any, since I won’t be sleeping for a while. I’ll explain that in a bit. Right after we catch up on all the exciting news in my life.amative

Hubby first. Hmm, well I don’t really want to Jinx him, which is what usually happens when I get to bragging  about something. So, Let’s just say he did something brave and awesome last summer when he and his squad were ambushed,  and is getting an award for it. When he has it in his hands, I’ll name it publicly.


strive Myself, nothing exciting. My dog chewed the crap out of my Blizzard authenticator. Unfortunately, even though I can get a new one, the old one is still bound to my account until I remember the secret answer to my secret question. Which I do not. Oh when I created it, I’m sure I was confident that I, and only I could ever answer it. But apparently I’m too tricky even for myself. A nice Blizz rep even gave me a hint and I still can’t work it out.  Yes, I wrote it down, no I cannot find the paper. It seems I have a couple choices here, keep trying, or start a new account and level all over again. I guess if I don’t remember by the time Cataclysm releases, I’ll do that, and level myself a Worgen. I miss my guildies Though :sad:

Life in general, is pretty dull. We found out the guys aren’t getting home any earlier than planned. Well, let me put that another way. SOME are. OURS aren’t. That sucks. This means less time for us to catch up and relax together before he goes off to school for three months. Yet again we get slapped with the stress stick. Come home, go off to school, return, and pcs (move) at lightning speed with no time to breathe. I just keep telling myself that I do love the life it has given us, it’s all worth it. But still I occasionally want to kick the Army in both shins while wearing steel toed boots.

Of spiders. So, tonight, I’m here blogging. Because, there was a very large spider on the ceiling directly over my FACE. This is when it really gets to me. I’m alone, and there’s noone here to kill the monsters for me. cry No, don’t laugh. It’s not even remotely funny to be arachnophobic.  Yes, I managed to get a broom, kill the sucker, get it gathered up and flushed down the toilet. That’s how bad it is by the way, unless I see it leave the room, the house, the universe, whatever, I’m convinced it’s not really dead. It can’t just be killed and left laying somewhere. I stripped the entire bed to find it, and get the body flushed. I’m now nauseous, sweating and shaking. I’ll either sleep on the couch, or lie tossing and turning tonight in bed because of it.

Yes, I know the ones in Georgia are alot worse. It terrifies me. I have seriously considered Mosquiton netting for our bed just to sleep peacefully at night there. I kid you not.

I want my hubby back. Now.

Apr 202010

There…at the end of the tunnel. Do you see that? Is that a light? Maybe. It looks like it.

It has been a long year. I spent more of it than I would have liked playing Turtle. I do that when I am well and truly stressed, and worried, and yes even depressed. I have mentioned I struggle with depression before, and during those times I pull away from everyone and everything. Except for the occasional blog post, because that is a one way conversation. I can plop down some thoughts and go hide again.  From roughly November until R&R last month was the worst it has ever been.

The gray and gloom of winter in Washington did not help at all. I pulled out of WoW, I barely twittered, facebooked, hell there were days I didn’t even want to talk to my own kids, or my mother. They understand. I don’t think anyone outside this life can truly understand how terrifying this last year has been. I have said so, but most just can’t fathom it.  I know I couldn’t…until it hit me right in the face.

How do you tell someone that the doorbell gives you panic attacks without them thinking you’re exaggerating?  I can’t go into detail here, but let’s just say at least twice (and those are just what he told me about, heaven only knows what he didn’t), if not for the grace of God and good timing it would have been them at my door.

Until now, I didn’t really know how bad a deployment could be. I really didn’t. Our first one may have prepared me for the distance and time apart, but it didn’t prepare me for this. I can’t even explain the turmoil in those early months that was caused by the guilt I would feel at being relieved that “it wasn’t him”.  And for all the good intentions, noone really could help get me through this. I was on my own, in part because that’s just how those silly chemicals in my brain work, and in part because unless you live it, you just can’t get it. Yet…I’m still here. Still standing. Less cocky than I was, but that’s probably a good thing.

Things are looking up. It’s almost over. Spring is coming, there was even sunshine here this weekend. I almost feel like I’m coming out of hibernation.  I can finally say it’s almost over. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Let’s just hope it’s not the train.

Mar 292010

I was in a truly good mood for 2 weeks. I was HAPPY for two weeks.  I actually felt like a whole person, and it was great. No stress, no worry, just FUN.

He got here on the 10th, and all those months of feeling like I was running around missing my right arm were over for a while.

We didn’t do anything too exciting really, to anyone else. We went out on our anniversary, Red Lobster…oh yummy. We picked out our anniversary gifts diamond stud earrings for me, and an Xbox 360 for him.

So, guess what we did the rest of the time? That’s right, we played video games! What else? He got to know his new laptop (if you saw the post when I got mine…his is the same except for the colors), and the addiction that is Dragon Age. We played Band Hero with the girls and had tons of laughs at ourselves and each other in the process.

We watched movies too, The Blind Side was absolutely awesome, Zombieland cracked me up and impressed the crap out of me. Why? Because here is a zombie movie that had tons of humor, thrills, and not a ton of gore! I loved it. Funny People with Adam Sandler…not so good in my opinion.

We were couch potatoes basically. We didn’t make any big plans, no trips, just what R&R should be. Rest, and relaxation.

The best part of it all though, was feeling normal for a while. Having him here to talk to at will, waking up with his arm around me, not having to be the grown up full time. Being able to pour two cups of coffee instead of just one. Smiling, and laughing…I haven’t done alot of that in the last eight months. Seeing him smile. Seeing for myself that he is ok.

Dropping him off again was harder than it was the first time. We never do long goodbyes, ever. It just makes it worse for both of us. But it still hurts like hell. Sure ripping a bandaid off quickly is the best way, but sometimes it pulls the little hairs and makes you cry anyhow.

Only a few months left of this though. Then it’s over. Of course then the Chaos begins. I’ll barely have him home before he goes off to school for 9 weeks, then we move. But at least we will be done with deployment for a couple years.

Mar 042010

Sorry about the lack of updates. I’ve been blank for a couple weeks actually. Nothing new to report until now. The important thing is…


R&R starts soon! I’m just waiting on updates from Hunny at this point as to where he is, and when he’ll be here. So, don’t expect much in the way of updates around here for a couple weeks. I’ll be ummm….Busy

Feb 262010

Well I did my gaming posts on Monday and Wednesday. I did my half assed real life posts on Tuesday and Thursday. So here it is Friday, so I’m flaking out and doing a bullet list. To-Do’s, Have Done’s, mishmash hodgepodge.

Have Done:

  • Kept up with Teressa’s Dragon Age story at Musings. They are just past Lothering now. It’s been a slow start but with new personalities coming in at this point I’m hoping it gets easier. I reversed the archives, so that it reads in order from start to current, because to me that makes sense. I also added lightbox so the images can be clicked to enlarge without leaving the page.
  • Read more than half of Rhett Butler’s People. I’ve read and watched Gone With The Wind several times, and was almost expecting to be disappointed. But seeing it unfold from Rhett’s perspective, while staying true to the original has been impressive.

To Do:

  • Get this house ready for Hubby’s visit. I’m trying to put it off until the last week. First off because I work better under pressure, and second because it’ll keep me busy during the worst of the waiting.
  • Finish my current playthroughs of Dragon Age. The rogue, and the mage. I had hoped to explore all the origins but Dwarf doesn’t appeal to me. That leaves City Elf, if there’s time I may have a go at that. I also have played 2 out of three classes, leaving warrior as the only one I haven’t tried, and one ending I haven’t committed to.
  • Stock the kitchen with Hubby’s favorite foods, snacks and drinks.
  • Pick up movies I have been meaning to get.
  • Clean the inside of the truck. Stupid damp weather.

The weekend will probably be spent reading, writing and gaming. Maybe some cleaning when I get bored with the rest. Refereeing teenagers, and trying to not get run over by the dogs. Did I mention I cannot wait til I have my other half here? Maybe I’ll go two weeks without a tension headache!

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