Nothing on earth bugs me more than people blatantly assuming that we have loads of cash just laying around because he’s in the Army. News Flash…it doesn’t pay that well. Yes we are a hundred times better off than we were eight years ago. But that doesn’t mean we’re rolling in the dough around here by any means. We can’t impulse buy plane tickets, or computers or whatever.
On the other end of the spectrum, are the people that know we don’t make alot and base assumptions of of that, that we are permanently poor and should never EVER buy anything extravagant.
Every time I get something with a fairly high price tag this comes up. It happened when I got my first digital SLR camera and had mentioned a few months earlier we couldn’t afford the Army’s monthly fee for family dental (which we DID start at the same time as I got said camera), and now with this computer combined with his Harley Down Payment, because SIX months ago, I used AER (Army Emergency Relief) to get a no interest loan for $400 car repairs. Oh and let’s not forget that because I don’t work I’m using “his money” and making no contribution to the household finances myself.
Yeah I supposed handling all of our finances, meal planning, cooking, cleaning. And of course the fact that I provide a ton of support so my husband can go and DO his job without worrying about a damned thing back home is no contribution either. When exactly did marriage start consisting of “his money” and “her money” rather than OUR Money? When did it start being a game of who does more, who provides more, and who’s not pulling their Weight? Silly me thinking marriage was a lifetime relationship built on love, trust, and commitment in the eyes of God and each other, with someone you love for better or worse, richer or poorer. Apparently now it’s a business partnership, what happens if you’re poorer instead of richer? Do you like get fired now?
I would love to let some of these people walk in my shoes for ONE month. Just one. And I’ll even be nice and let it be when he’s not deployed, or away at training, or working crazy hours, or too tired to enjoy time together until the weekend. I’ll gladly hand over his normal monthly pay, and our bills, and watch from the background. Show them how anything more than what we can afford has to be planned out a year in advance, and show them just how to pray that nothing unexpected pops up before then.
They don’t take into consideration, that maybe these large purchases, happen once per year in a normal year. Or that every few years there are two times it happens.
1. We get a tax REFUND. That happens once per year. All larger ticket items are saved until that time. We have kids, and therefore get Earned Income Credit. It’s a nice treat once in a while. AFTER any major things are taken care of.
2. The Army pays pretty well when you reenlist…especially in a combat zone. And did you realize, when reenlisting in a combat zone, you get said bonus in a tax free lump sum rather than monthly taxed installments?
This laptop, his bike down payment, and his laptop are all coming out of those two things. And by God we have earned them. Him especially. But there’s always that person ready to throw in your face that you couldn’t afford such and such a couple months ago, but yet here you are with a new computer and talking about a Harley (did I mention he has been waiting 17 years for this??)!
This computer was not planned. Mine wasn’t supposed to go belly up on me. I just got damned lucky with the timing.
What’s even worse, is when they know the life you lead, and the hurdles you have to jump every day without landing face first in the mud on the other side, the sacrifices you have made to get here, and will continue to make over the years. They know that you don’t dare get excited about the light at the end of the tunnel, because too many times it’s been the train. But the one time you’re so excited about something finally coming to fruition…they can’t be happy for you.
Rather than celebrate with you, they’d rather stew in the juice of their own sour grapes, or tell you that you have alot of nerve spending “his money” that way. Well excuse me for being excited about these things. They’re a big deal to us. And guess what Buttercup? He knows about every penny I spend. He has the ability, to say “please don’t” if he chooses, and I respect him enough to accept that. You know what happens nine times out of ten when I run this stuff past him? If the word Harley isn’t in the sentence, he asks why I’m telling him.
Now, about those shoes…
Here ya go. Have at it, walk a mile! On second thought no. I don’t want you getting grape juice on them. Besides, the awesome that is my Husband…is too good for you.
*Very* well said sweety. xx
.-= Softi´s last blog ..Somebody… =-.
Thanks Softi:-)
LuAnnikins, I gave you a standing ovation after I finished reading!!!! Having been on the receiving end of these gross misconceptions myself numerous times, I totally get it. I agree with Softi…VERY well said!!!! =)
Thanks! sometimes I just want to kick those types somewhere really painful.
I need to find the people that are spreading it around that you can marry into the military for money because OH MY GOD WHAT?
I see it a LOT with really young couples, and maybe then – the ones fresh out of high school who don’t really have any loans/major bills/car payments/etc and have never had a “real” salaried job – maybe to those couples, marrying into the military what with the steady paycheck and potential for free housing, etc, sounds like marrying into money.
BUT OTHER THAN THAT OH MY GOD SERIOUSLY? I’m not saying we’re poor, or that you’re poor. I’m saying that anyone who thinks that the trade off for having a significant other potentially deploying at any given moment, the government essentially running your lives, and living away from family and friends for who knows how long is MONEY has been sorely misinformed.
And also, of course, I agree that it’s not really anyone’s business how anyone else spends their money.
BUT WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE WHO THINK THAT THE MILITARY LIFE IS A HIGH ROLLER LIFESTYLE?
.-= TJ´s last blog ..I saved this piece of trash just so I could tell you how mad it made me! =-.
Exactly! There are women out there that will seek out military guys to latch onto because they’re under the impression they’ll be living the high life. And the poor guy that falls for one of them, ends up broken hearted when they chick realizes it isn’t all sunshine and roses and fancy, usually while the guy is overseas.
I’m not sure which is worse, that misconception, or the judgments on how you spend your money…both piss me off rather equally.
It’s nobody’s effing business how a family decides to spend THEIR money. Okay I mean you’re not spending it on drugs or gambling and you clearly keep your children fed and clothed so beyond those points other people need to just get their damn nose out.
I’m just a single person and I get the same crap sometimes. I just paid for 4 semesters of school out of pocket (yeah, community college, it’s cheap but still) so lay off. I think almost everybody could write this rant from some point of view.
.-= Awlbiste´s last blog ..awlbiste: @TheLadyJess people making assumptions about other families’ financial situations really pisses me off. none of your beeswax! =-.
It’s crazy. It really is. When someone I know gets something they are truly happy about, I’m happy FOR them. I’m not going to sit here and judge them on it. I’d totally understand it if I was starving my kids and neglecting our bills and running up debt, I’d even expect it. But s long as I’m not doing any of that…they can just GTFO.
Well said. Those snide little comments from people who have no business caring what I buy or what my kids wear. My mother in law tries to be sneaky about it by trying to hide it by begining her nastiness with a small compliment. I recently bought a shiny sequined red purse from Coach of which my husband could care less that I bought, but I know enough never to take it to an event that his mother will be at. The possible cost would be discussed and the why would I buy it over something that I shouldn’t have to justify to them.
Thank God my inlaws don’t stick their noses in. We’re pretty lucky that way. But I’m all too familiar with those snide compliments “Oh that’s a really nice XXX…must be nice…”.
Ugh.. it sounds like you have to deal with a bunch of busy-bodies who have way too much time on their hands and don’t understand the meaning of BOUNDARIES. I agree with the other commenters here, it’s no one’s business except yourself and your husband how you are spending your money, and we all know you’re not neglecting your family so those nitpickers and nosy nellies can just STFU. That’s SHUT THE F@CK UP for all you nosy people reading the blog and give LJ a hard time, that don’t know netspeak. See how helpful I am? It’s infuriating when people that are not in your situation judge you for what they perceive to be the situation. GRR.
Del
.-= Delicia´s last blog ..Randomness =-.
Well, for starters it’s nobodys business when you spend your money on. Simply because you decide to decide to share some of your experiences with people gives them no right to judge. (and yet here I am judging them for being judgmental /sigh)
If they have never walked a mile in your shoes they have no concept of what you are talking about.
None.
Secondly I can very easily emember being a young man in the service with a family while getting WiC and food stamps because we were below the poverty level. Such was the life of a married E-2 with a young child back when dinosaurs roamed the earth.
Grats again to you and your hubby on the new shineys, and glad to hear that nothing imploded to keep you from getting them.
.-= Dechion´s last blog ..Quiet =-.
Gee.. all I ask for was a li’l ole puter that would handle all the face book apps I like to use
)!! It’s your money!!! Spend it however ya durn well please. You have ALL EARNED THE RIGHT!!!!
I know that I’m basically just echoing the previous commenters, but I too want to throw my two cents in and say that it’s no one’s concern outside of you and your husband how the money is spent.
As long as the lights stay on, and the bellies stay full, I see absolutely no problem with you buying a new computer or a Harley when the opportunities present themselves. It’s your money, and as such it’s the prerogative of the two of you alone how to spend it.
Some people, it seems, bitch simply for the sake of bitching. You support your husband and the rest of your family during these difficult times, and I think you’re a stronger woman than a good chunk of them are for doing so.
So if you decide to take the pending Harley and drive it right up the ass ends of some of these complainers, well, I didn’t see anything.