Nothing on earth bugs me more than people blatantly assuming that we have loads of cash just laying around because he’s in the Army. News Flash…it doesn’t pay that well. Yes we are a hundred times better off than we were eight years ago. But that doesn’t mean we’re rolling in the dough around here by any means. We can’t impulse buy plane tickets, or computers or whatever.
On the other end of the spectrum, are the people that know we don’t make alot and base assumptions of of that, that we are permanently poor and should never EVER buy anything extravagant.
Every time I get something with a fairly high price tag this comes up. It happened when I got my first digital SLR camera and had mentioned a few months earlier we couldn’t afford the Army’s monthly fee for family dental (which we DID start at the same time as I got said camera), and now with this computer combined with his Harley Down Payment, because SIX months ago, I used AER (Army Emergency Relief) to get a no interest loan for $400 car repairs. Oh and let’s not forget that because I don’t work I’m using “his money” and making no contribution to the household finances myself.
Yeah I supposed handling all of our finances, meal planning, cooking, cleaning. And of course the fact that I provide a ton of support so my husband can go and DO his job without worrying about a damned thing back home is no contribution either. When exactly did marriage start consisting of “his money” and “her money” rather than OUR Money? When did it start being a game of who does more, who provides more, and who’s not pulling their ? Silly me thinking marriage was a lifetime relationship built on love, trust, and commitment in the eyes of God and each other, with someone you love for better or worse, richer or poorer. Apparently now it’s a business partnership, what happens if you’re poorer instead of richer? Do you like get fired now? Weight
I would love to let some of these people walk in my shoes for ONE month. Just one. And I’ll even be nice and let it be when he’s not deployed, or away at training, or working crazy hours, or too tired to enjoy time together until the weekend. I’ll gladly hand over his normal monthly pay, and our bills, and watch from the background. Show them how anything more than what we can afford has to be planned out a year in advance, and show them just how to pray that nothing unexpected pops up before then.
They don’t take into consideration, that maybe these large purchases, happen once per year in a normal year. Or that every few years there are two times it happens.
1. We get a tax REFUND. That happens once per year. All larger ticket items are saved until that time. We have kids, and therefore get Earned Income Credit. It’s a nice treat once in a while. AFTER any major things are taken care of.
2. The Army pays pretty well when you reenlist…especially in a combat zone. And did you realize, when reenlisting in a combat zone, you get said bonus in a tax free lump sum rather than monthly taxed installments?
This laptop, his bike down payment, and his laptop are all coming out of those two things. And by God we have earned them. Him especially. But there’s always that person ready to throw in your face that you couldn’t afford such and such a couple months ago, but yet here you are with a new computer and talking about a Harley (did I mention he has been waiting 17 years for this??)!
This computer was not planned. Mine wasn’t supposed to go belly up on me. I just got damned lucky with the timing.
What’s even worse, is when they know the life you lead, and the hurdles you have to jump every day without landing face first in the mud on the other side, the sacrifices you have made to get here, and will continue to make over the years. They know that you don’t dare get excited about the light at the end of the tunnel, because too many times it’s been the train. But the one time you’re so excited about something finally coming to fruition…they can’t be happy for you.
Rather than celebrate with you, they’d rather stew in the juice of their own sour grapes, or tell you that you have alot of nerve spending “his money” that way. Well excuse me for being excited about these things. They’re a big deal to us. And guess what Buttercup? He knows about every penny I spend. He has the ability, to say “please don’t” if he chooses, and I respect him enough to accept that. You know what happens nine times out of ten when I run this stuff past him? If the word Harley isn’t in the sentence, he asks why I’m telling him.
Now, about those shoes…
Here ya go. Have at it, walk a mile! On second thought no. I don’t want you getting grape juice on them. Besides, the awesome that is my Husband…is too good for you.