That is the most common question I get asked as an Army Wife. And the hardest one to really answer directly. There is really no short answer, and there’s really no “how” involved. There’s a few different things that all add up to the same answer.

Why?

Why leads to how. I can do this, because I love this man beyond all reason and logic. And you have to go beyond logic, because trying to find logic in the military is like trying to find a unicorn riding a pogo stick in Oz. The man I married loves this job, most of the time at least. He’s found what he’s good at, his niche. As his wife, I am happy for him, and want to support that. The best way for me to do that, is by taking everything the Army throws my way and dealing with it without too much complaint. At least with little complaint directed to him. Believe me I complain. That’s why I have a blog! Why? because it makes life easier for him if I do what needs done without dragging him into my occasional misery. Loving him, means wanting him to be happy, and secure, and thus I WANT to do this for him. Short Version? I love this man, and WANT to “do it”.

What?

What is “it”? Well, mostly when I’m asked how I do “it”, the it is the separations. Be it one week or one years. If you’d have asked me seven years ago if I could stand being away from him for a week I’d have curled up in the fetal position and sucked my thumb. Seriously. The mere thought of a week apart was a nightmare.

Then he joined, and I was faced with a three month separation right off the bat. I couldn’t call him to bitch and moan. All I could do was write letters. And blog! Oh did I blog. Once we got through that time, he went to his first duty station. In ALASKA! And I couldn’t go with him right away. We had to wait til he got housing. Boy, I was getting some serious “how” training in the “it” department now. That was another three months. We finally get up here, get settled in, and begin to have a normal home life. That lasted for about a month. Then he left again, training in Louisiana for a month. I knew NOONE except for some girls in a yahoo group. THAT saved my sanity. Mind you, I didn’t drive yet. That’s right I was 29 years old, and had no license. It helped in a strange way. Through this yahoo group, I made the acquaintance of some friends I still have to this day. Attending a candle party one of the ladies had, led to me meeting even more. By the time he came home, I had a support network!

And by support, I mean the kinds of people that will tell you they understand, and it’s ok, but this is life, suck it up. I hated that saying “suck it up and drive on” more than I can tell you. But, over time, I knew I had to accept it as gospel. Because that really is what you have to do. You can’t get so tied up in the things that go wrong, that you drive yourself crazy. There’s no time for that. Your kids need you, your husband needs you, and YOU need you to be strong. All these things I learned in one month of being in a strange place, and away from my man. For one month.

The following couple years went smoothly, separation became something like grocery shopping. I never wanted to do it, but dammit I had to, might as well deal with it. Then came The big one. In August 2005 he left, for a year. To Iraq. I just knew I was going to buckle. I couldn’t do it. I was going to be a mess. Life was going to end, and the world was going to blow right off it’s axis. But you know what? None of that happened. My friends and I pushed through, we had our rough times, we had our weak moments, but we somehow did it. Even when the week they were supposed to return to us, the Army pulled the rug out from under us and extended that deployment by four months. We were devastated, shocked, and disappointed. But, I did it. We all did.

How?

As much as we hate the saying “Suck it up and drive on” That’s how. You think about how much you love your spouse, and what your support means to them. You find an inner strength you didn’t know you had. You meet people in the same situation, that you have things in common with and they become those friends you’ll never forget, whether it’s online, real life or both. You try to keep busy, knowing that will pass the time quickly. Volunteering works for some, getting a job or hobby works for others. You drag a friend (or in my case BE dragged BY a friend) out to coffee if they’re feeling low, or about to start wallowing, and you either laugh yourselves silly or wallow together. And sometimes, when things get hard, you even paste on that big cheerleader smile to face your husband over the web cam and fake it like Meg Ryan in when Harry Met Sally, because at the end of the day, HE needs to know you’re ok. And you are, even if you don’t always feel it yourself.

I told you it wasn’t a clear answer. But that’s my answer. And I’ll probably be needing a reminder here soon. Right now though, I need to distract myself a bit, since once again he is off training for a month. And this is just practice for both of us. The big one is coming again. All too soon. I may have to print this picture and hang it over my computer.

biggirl