THE RULES OF RURAL PENNSYLVANIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
LISTEN UP CITY SLICKERS!!!!
1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN’T CROOKED.

3. LET’S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT’S CALLED A ‘DIRT ROAD.’  NO MATTER
HOW SLOW YOU DRIVE, YOU’RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS. DRIVE IT
OR GET OUT OF THE WAY.

4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY’RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT’S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY
TO YOU, GET OVER IT. DON’T LIKE IT? I-80 GOES EAST AND WEST, I-81
GOES NORTH AND SOUTH. PICK ONE.

5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE’RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN
PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.

6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL PENNSYLVANIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS
BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.

7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE
COMING IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU
DON’T HAVE IT UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE TIME.

8. YEAH, WE EAT TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY OUR FISH
AFTER ‘CATCH IN’ ‘EM’. YOU REALLY WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT’S
AVAILABLE AT THE CORNER BAIT SHOP.

9. THE ‘OPENER’ REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT’S A
RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY HELD ON THE MONDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING.

10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN,
REGARDLESS OF AGE.

11. NO, THERE’S NO ‘VEGETARIAN SPECIAL’ ON THE MENU. ORDER STEAK. OR
YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF’S SALAD AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM &
TURKEY.

12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS
(INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT,
PEPPER, HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP. OH, YEAH…WE DON’T CARE WHAT YOU
FOLKS IN JERSEY CALL THAT STUFF YOU EAT…IT AIN’T REAL CHILI!!!!

13. YOU BRING ‘COKE’ INTO MY HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND
SERVED OVER ICE.

14. YOU BRING ‘MARY JANE’ INTO MY HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW
HOW TO SHOOT, AND HAVE LONG HAIR.

15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL IS AS IMPORTANT HERE AS THE
EAGLES AND THE STEELERS, AND A DANG SITE MORE FUN TO WATCH.

16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON’T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS—IT
SPOOKS THE FISH.

17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES,
COMMUNITY COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS. THEY COME OUTTA THERE WITH AN
EDUCATION PLUS A LOVE FOR GOD AND COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT
EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, AND
MARINES. SO DON’T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL GET WHIPPED BY
THE BEST.

19. TURN DOWN THAT BLASTED CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP CRAP
AIN’T MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT
TO SEE YOUR BOXERS. REFER BACK TO #1.

20. 4 INCHES ISN’T A BLIZZARD-IT’S A FLURRY. DRIVE LIKE YOU GOT SOME
SENSE IN IT, AND DON’T TAKE ALL OUR BREAD, MILK, AND TOILET PAPER
FROM THE GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN’T ALASKA , WORST CASE YOU MAY HAVE
TO LIVE A WHOLE DAY WITHOUT CROISSANTS. THE PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES
WILL HAVE YOU OUT THE NEXT DAY.

And this one, is my own addition, Just for Mr Obama. We don’t cling to our guns and religion when it comes to getting a job. We hold the gun in our hands, and pray while we aim at that turkey or deer that we’ll hit it, so while we’re out of work we still have dinner!! Or in my husbands case, join the army, cling to your m4 and pray you don’t get your ass shot off, because lack of decent jobs in PA led to him joining the Army. Tell me that’s not initiative:P

ETA: No i did not type this, and if word had a “select all/uncapitalize” button I’d definitely have used it. So, sorry, but copy/paste it is

This entry was posted on Friday, September 5th, 2008 at 8:48 am and is filed under Pennsylvania, Such Is Life. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.